


See Me

by Astronaut_Milky



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Crack Treated Seriously, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, First Time, Flirting, Halloween, Humor, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Sexual Tension, Smut, Spooky, this is a mixed bag of everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-26 02:59:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12547328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Astronaut_Milky/pseuds/Astronaut_Milky
Summary: Sonny slowly looks over his shoulder.The last figure.He knows who it is before reaching him.His back is turned, but Sonny would always recognise those suits, that… body.He reaches a hand out, desperate for contact.As he places it tentatively on his shoulder, the figure turns to him.





	See Me

**Author's Note:**

> Please enjoy my early Halloween trash!  
> In all seriousness, this is potentially a hot mess, but I had a lot of fun writing it.  
> Many thanks to ChameleonCircuit for beta-ing, specifically for reminding me of the universe rules that I set, then proceeded to forget. Basically this whole fic makes sense thanks to her, and you should read her amazing works.
> 
> Please leave kudos and comments to validate my existence!

 

_Sonny is running. Surrounded by darkness. In the distance he spots some figures._

**_Beep, beep, beep._ **

_He’s sprinting now, desperate for the people ahead. They’re glowing, beacons among the black nothing._

_He finally reaches the first figure. It’s Fin. But not quite. He’s wearing Fin’s clothes, he’s got Fin’s body, but his face… There is no face._

**_Beep, beep, beep._ **

_Sonny stumbles running to the next figure, Amanda. Again, it looks exactly like her, but no face. Completely blank. An untouched canvas._

**_Beep, beep, beep._ **

_The next figure. Liv. Oh god. Still nothing. He grabs her shoulders, shaking, but the figure doesn’t move._

_Sonny slowly looks over his shoulder._

_The last figure._

_He knows who it is before reaching him._

_His back is turned, but Sonny would always recognise those suits, that… body._

_He reaches a hand out, desperate for contact._

_As he places it tentatively on his shoulder, the figure turns to him._

**_Beep, beep, beep._ **

Sonny jolted awake.

His alarm blared from his small bedside table.

He sat up and ran a hand over his face.

_That was frigging weird._

**_Beep, beep, beep._ **

He reached across to turn the alarm off, when he noticed something. The time. 8:30. _8:30._

He tried scrambling out of bed and managed to tangle himself in the blankets.

“God- get off- ow!” he yelped, falling face first onto the ground.

By the time he reached the shower, he was stressing big time.

Even though people were finally treating him like an equal and not like the new kid on the block, he still considered himself on thin ice. He couldn’t be late. He couldn’t give the squad something to hold against him.

After the world’s quickest shower, he styled his hair in record time before getting dressed. As he was tugging his pants on, while simultaneously brushing his teeth, he tried calling Liv.

Nothing. She didn’t pick up. _Great._

Once he finally finished putting his clothes on, he fired off a quick apology text to Liv, before he grabbed his things and practically sprinted out the door.

Outside his building, he pulled his keys out, ready to break a thousand traffic laws on his drive to work, before he remembered.

His car was at the mechanic.

“This isn’t happening,” he groaned, before sticking his arm out to try and flag down a cab.

Three empty cabs drove straight past him.

“Oh come on!” he yelled, throwing up an obscene gesture as the fourth cab drove by.

He ran to the nearest subway station, his brain hurling a thousand and one curses at his luck.

As he quickly made his way down the stairs, he was met with a strong shoulder knocking into him. He turned to give the guy a piece of his mind, but the man had already kept on walking.

“Damn rude,” he muttered, finally reaching his platform.

When he managed to push his way onto the train and found a place to stand, he took a moment to send another message to Liv. He had just hit send on his essay of an apology, when the train suddenly pulled to a stop. His phone went flying across the carriage just as the doors opened.

Loads of bodies moving on and off the train, and here was Sonny, clambering for his phone. Someone trod on his hand and he swore under his breath. He always knew New Yorkers were rude, but this was becoming ridiculous. He finally reached his phone and jumped to his feet, but managed to conk his head on a bystanders elbow. The person didn’t even notice, even as Sonny groaned and held onto the top of his head.

This day was already shaping up to be a shitshow, and he hadn’t even reached the precinct.

 

 

Luckily the subway ride wasn’t too long, but when he finally reached the elevator to take him to the squad room, he was panicked. And pissed.

Twelve.

Twelve people had knocked into him.

Four had accidentally stomped on his feet, and his right hand was a constant reminder of the heeled shoes from the train.

None had apologised. None had even given him a second glance. He couldn’t help but think his Ma was right, Manhattan was filled with rude bastards.

_Ding._

The elevator doors opened, and he jogged over to where Rollins and Fin were listening intently to Liv’s orders. Sonny then slunk in at the back, not wanting to disturb.

“Alright, you two can head to the hospital and interview Ashley. Let me know if anything new pops up.”

“You got it Lieu,” Fin nodded.

They turned to their desks to gather their things, not even peeking in Sonny’s direction.

_Great._

Sonny stepped forward to Liv, apology speech memorised and ready to go.

“Hey Lieu, I don’t know if you got my text but-“

Liv brushed straight past him, without so much as a glance towards him.

He watched after her as she entered her office and closed the door behind her.

“What is with people today?” He turned to Fin and Rollins, who were almost ready to go. “I mean, I know I’m late but-“

“So Rollins, you’re good to drive right?”

Sonny was taken aback. He knew they loved to tease him, but straight up ignoring him? That was low.

“Guys, come on. What’s-“

“Sure thing old man,” Rollins smirked.

Sonny stepped in front of them as they turned to leave, desperate to have the final word.

“Alright, you’ve had your fun, laugh it up.”

They walked straight past him, managing to bump into his shoulders on the way. He was definitely going to have bruises there tomorrow.

What was _happening_? This clearly had to be some elaborate prank. Some payback for sleeping in. There was only one person who wouldn’t keep this up.

He made his way over to Liv’s door and knocked.

No response.

He tried again.

“Hey, Lieu? Can I come in?”

Nothing.

_Here goes nothing._

He opened the door and sat down at the chair in front of her desk.

She didn’t look up from her paperwork.

“I don’t know if you got my text this morning, but I’m sorry I was late. This morning was a mess, but I’m not going to make excuses. And it won’t happen again.”

He waited for a response, but she kept on writing.

“Lieu? I am sorry but-“

Her phone started ringing and she answered without hesitation.

“Barba, you on your way?”

He couldn’t believe this. Liv was literally acting like he wasn’t there. She was tough, but she was never this. She would never be rude.

“Alright well, see you soon.”

She hung up the phone.

Sonny couldn’t say what possessed him to do what he did next. A stroke of insanity perhaps.

In one swift movement, he backhanded her cup of pens and pencils on to the floor.

His heart pounded. If Liv wasn’t pissed before, surely she would be now.

_Oh God, I’m going to be fired._

He waited for the inevitable explosion of rage. The torrential downpour of anger.

It never came.

She went straight back to her paperwork like nothing had happened.

“Seriously?! Liv, what is happening? I just bitch slapped your pens, and you’re acting like nothing-“

He was gesturing like crazy, but was pulled to a halt. There, on the desk like it always was, sat the little yellow pencil holder with all its pens and pencils still in place.

_What?_

Another stroke of insanity surged through him as he stood up, leaned over the desk, and let out a fast, loud ‘AH!’ right into Liv’s face.

As quickly as he did it, he recoiled back into his chair.

_Fired. I’m fired as of now._

Nothing.

It was as if he was invisible.

At this thought, he stormed out of the office straight to the bathroom.

He gripped one of the basins with both hands, and stared intently into the mirror.

_Well I see me._

Even as he thought that, he shook his head. He was being crazy, this was just some elaborate prank that for some reason Liv was _really_ sticking to.

He splashed his face with some water, and took one final look in the mirror, just to be sure. Then he pushed the door open to leave. As he stepped back into the squad room, he bumped straight into a uniformed officer.

“Sorry about that,” Sonny said, waiting for a reaction. It never came. The officer kept on walking like nothing had happened. Surely he had to be in on the joke. Surely.

He ran his hands through his hair. This was ridiculous! He was alive, here, breathing. This stupid prank was making him question his very existence. He was going to kill Rollins when this was over.

“Don’t think too hard Detective, you don’t want to pull a muscle.”

Sonny spun his whole body around.

_Barba._

“I’m sorry?”

“Never mind. Is Liv in her office?”

Barba was looking him dead in the eyes, the first person all day to do so.

“Counselor… You can see me?” Sonny couldn’t believe how excited he felt. Someone who wasn’t in on the prank. He could almost hug Barba.

“Yes Carisi, I’m not blind,” Barba said, his eyes narrowing in suspicion. With good reason, as Sonny was certain he looked like a madman.

“Sorry, I think the guys are playing a prank or something. Pretending they can’t see me, all ‘cause I was late this morning.”

“Right. Liv?” Barba still looked wary, yet somehow bored at the same time. Sonny had to admire how the lawyer could sneak disdain into any conversation.

“Yeah, yeah she’s in there,” Sonny gestured to her office.

As Barba tried to stride past, Sonny quickly stepped in front of him.

“Hey, when you’re in there- I mean, if you get a chance-“

“Get to the point, Carisi.”

“Just tell Liv I’m sorry that I was late? She’s ignoring me too. Like, a lot.”

Barba let out a sigh.

“I’ll see what I can do.”

He stepped around Sonny, and walked to Liv’s office. As he opened the door, he gave Sonny an unreadable look. Confused? Concerned? Sonny could only guess.

He plonked himself in the nearest chair and let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding, when something caught his eye.

His desk. His desk was empty, as if… as if he had never been there.

“Okay, the facts,” he muttered to himself.

He had woken up this morning, running late.

Liv didn’t answer her phone, and since when did she not answer her phone?

People nearly bowled him over all morning, including Rollins and Fin.

Speaking of, the whole squad was ignoring him.

His thoughts were running a million miles a minute, turning over the events of the day. He was lost in his head when the sound of yelling pulled him back to reality. Muffled shouts from Liv’s office, followed by her door being thrown open. Sonny jumped in his seat.

“See?!” Barba shouted, gesturing wildly to the chair Sonny was occupying.

“Barba, there’s no one there.” Liv’s voice was gentle, but her face was pinched with worry.

“I’m right here, Lieu.”

“He’s right there!”

“Rafael, I can assure you that there has never been someone with a name as ridiculous as _Sonny_ working here.”

“Ouch, Lieu.”

“Liv, I swear to God if this is some misguided attempt at a Halloween prank-“

“It’s Halloween?” Sonny hadn’t even realised.

“Rafael… are you feeling okay? You’re really starting to worry me.”

For the second time that day, Sonny swiftly backhanded a cup full of pencils onto the ground.

Barba flinched at the noise. Liv flinched at Barba flinching.

“See? The pencils!” Barba gestured wildly at the ground.

Liv scanned for the pencils he was talking about, but there was nothing there. Barba whipped his head around, searching for the pencils also. Sonny coughed a little then pointed to the desk. There they were, back in their original spot.

Sonny had never seen Barba speechless, and he was making sure he’d never forget this image. Mouth agape, the breath knocked out of him. Sonny let out a small chuckle, earning himself a deathly glare from the ADA.

“Rafael-“

“Never mind Liv,” Barba deadpanned, his face now blank. “Haven’t had my coffee yet. Talk soon.”

He swept out of the squad room, but not before giving Sonny a pointed look. A look that screamed ‘follow me now, Detective.’ Sonny obeyed without further prompting. Barba didn’t say a word until they stepped into the elevator.

“Carisi, what the hell is happening?” His voice was quiet, but fierce.

“Honestly? I’m still hoping this is a prank, but…” he trailed off, not wanting to say out loud exactly what he thought was happening.

“But?”

“I feel invisible.”

“But I see you.”

“Astute observation, Counselor,” Sonny allowed a small smirk in Barba’s direction, but the eyeroll he got in return told him this wasn’t the time to joke.

Before Barba could tear him a new one, the elevator doors opened and they stepped out in time, Sonny managing to keep up with Barba’s confident strides.

“So what you’re trying to tell me…” Barba also trailed off.

“I don’t think anyone can see me.” Sonny let out an involuntary laugh. Ridiculous. That word kept popping into his head. This was utterly ridiculous.

“Except me.”

They were on the street now. Sonny made sure to stay close to Barba, so he wouldn’t be barrelled by pedestrians who didn’t even know he was there. That was the only reason. His own safety.

“Except you, Counselor.”

Barba stopped abruptly, causing Sonny to knock into him.

“Hold on, you thought this was a prank. Because of everyone in the building. What about outside the building?”

Before Sonny could tell him about the people on the street, on the train, the cab drivers, he was being shoved into a nearby coffee shop. Once they were inside, Barba looked at him expectantly.

“You uh, you want a coffee Counselor?”

“Yes, and you’re going to order. Surely the college student behind the counter isn’t in on this ridiculous prank.”

Ridiculous. At least he and Barba agreed on something.

At this point Sonny had accepted that there was some weird Halloween voodoo happening, but Barba was looking so damn proud of himself. Proud that he’d come up with a solution to end what was probably a weird start to his day. He also looked smug as all hell, and that was enough for Sonny to do whatever he said.

“Worth a shot.”

He walked up to the counter and cleared his throat.

“Can I get two coffees, black?”

None of the workers paid him any attention. He turned back to Barba, who gestured for him to try again.

“Hey excuse me, can I get those two coffees please?”

Still nothing. He once again turned back to Barba, who was in shock. He stormed up to the counter with such force that Sonny barely had enough time to get out of his path.

“Excuse me, could we get some service here?” he demanded.

The closest employee jumped at the sound.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you there,” she managed to get out, cowering under Barba’s glare. “What can I get for you?”

“Two coffees. Black.” He looked to Sonny, who shrugged. “It’ll be one for me, and one for my friend here.”

Barba gestured to Sonny, who gave a little wave to the young woman. She glanced to Sonny, but her eyes didn’t really see him.

“Your- your friend?” she questioned.

At that moment, Sonny knew his theory was correct. He didn’t know how it had happened, but he was invisible to the world. Non-existent. As if he’d never been born. To everyone, except Rafael Barba.

What were the odds?

Sonny was dragged out of his thoughts by the sheer ferocity of the glare Barba was throwing the young girl.

“Sir?” she quivered out.

“Never mind.” With that, he whipped around and stormed out of the shop. Sonny gave the worker an apologetic look, before remembering she couldn’t see him.

By the time Sonny caught up with Barba, his heart was aching. The reality of the situation had finally settled in. No one knew who he was. His co-workers, his friends, his _family_. The only person who knew who he was wouldn’t even meet his eyes, opting instead to scroll through his phone.

“Counselor, listen-“

“Are you going to follow me around all day, Detective?” Barba snipped, his eyes never moving from his phone.

“Well, you _are_ the only person who knows I exist. Who can see me.” Sonny tried for casual, but his voice betrayed him.

Barba stopped in his tracks, finally looking Sonny in the eyes. He hoped he appeared neutral, unaffected, but from the way Barba’s face softened ever so slightly, he knew he was being read like an open book.

“Carisi-“ he faltered, before his expression hardened. “Alright, you can come with me.”

Barba continued on his path. Sonny practically skipped after him, not even trying to hide the grin spreading on his face. Sure, no one could see him. But if there could be one person who was able to see him, Sonny honestly didn’t mind that it was Barba. He couldn’t deny the way his heart skipped at the thought of spending the whole day with the lawyer.

“First of all, my day will not change with you there. I have meetings and I have work to do. You will not interrupt, you will not distract, you will not offer opinions or insight, no matter how relevant. Got it?”

“You got it, Counselor.”

 

 

By the time they had reached Barba’s office, Sonny had kept true to his word by not speaking. At all. Which had been especially difficult when Barba had tripped over and nearly face-planted. His tongue still hurt from biting back the barrage of jokes that bubbled to the surface.

They reached Carmen’s desk, and she dutifully handed over a coffee from a nearby café, plus a manila folder.

“All you have today, Mr Barba, is a meeting with Buchanan to go over a deal for the O’Connor case. 1 o’clock. I pushed back the meeting with Rita to tomorrow morning,” Carmen reported, taking a sip from her own coffee cup.

“Good call.”

“You do love to make her sweat.”

“All in good fun, Carmen,” he half-joked, flashing a trademark Barba smirk. “Put through any calls that _aren’t_ Rita.”

He opened the door to his office, Sonny closely following. As Barba made his way straight to his desk, Sonny went to close the door behind him.

“Wait!” Barba shouted, eyes wide at Sonny’s hand on the door knob.

“What?” Sonny questioned, letting go of the door.

Carmen’s head promptly popped through the doorway.

“Mr Barba? Everything alright?”

“Fine. Everything’s fine. Sorry. Could you close the door?”

If Carmen wasn’t already confused, Barba’s apology definitely did the job. Still, she did ask he asked, albeit tentatively. Once the door clicked shut, Barba collapsed his chair, taking a long sip of his coffee. Sonny actively ignored watching Barba’s lips in action, opting to gesture back to Carmen.

“Care to explain?”

Barba let out a huff.

“Carmen is potentially the most perceptive person I’ve ever met. She’s also not an idiot. If you had closed the door, what would she have seen?”

“A door?” Sonny quipped. Barba was entirely not impressed, especially as Sonny realised a little too late what he meant. “Oh… she wouldn’t have seen me. Just…”

“Just my door closing of its own accord.”

“Actually, she would’ve seen nothing,” he realised, remembering the pencils. “The door would’ve stayed open.”

Barba came to the same conclusion, his neck flushing with embarrassment. Sonny couldn’t even appreciate it. He kept coming back to the one thought. Nothing he did now, mattered.

Sonny slumped into the chair opposite Barba’s desk. How did this happen? Yesterday he was making plans for Sunday dinner with his family. He was talking to Rollins about whether or not he should get a dog (she managed to successfully talk him out of getting a Border Collie. “You live in a one-bedroom apartment, you can’t get a farm dog Carisi.”)

How did this _happen?_

He was yanked out of his thoughts by a handful of files landing in his lap. He lifted his head to see Barba leaning against his desk, his eyes narrowed with… concern? Unlikely. Curiosity? Curiosity.

“If you’re going to hover around all day, make yourself useful for once.”

His words were harsh, but his voice soft. Perhaps there was a sprinkling of concern earlier.

“Now, Carisi.”

There was that sharp tone Sonny had grown to love. He watched Barba circle his desk back to his chair, focusing on the folder Carmen had given him. He allowed himself a second longer of staring, before delving into the files on his lap. Anything to distract from the situation at hand.

 

 

Sonny didn’t realise how much time had passed, until a loud grumble sounded throughout the room. Barba’s stomach. Sonny cursed ever agreeing to be silent, especially as Barba’s face turned scarlet with embarrassment.

“I’m going for lunch,” he said coolly, collecting his things from his desk. Sonny couldn’t help but stare as Barba fluidly moved around the room. He especially paid attention as he pulled out a pair of headphones, plugged them into his phone, and put the buds into his ears. He then turned to Sonny expectantly.

“Well?”

“Oh, you- I’m coming. Right.”

Sonny gathered his things. They left together, Barba letting Carmen know he’d be back in half an hour. Sonny noticed she still seemed a little concerned but didn’t say anything. Probably for the best. It’s not like Barba could tell her what was happening.

By the time they reached the outside pavement, Sonny needed to ask. The question had popped into his head the second he had noticed, and he was going to have to break the golden rule.

“Barba, what’s with the headphones?” he blurted out as they started walking. He didn’t miss the eyeroll he received.

“In case of emergencies. Emergencies being you asking stupid questions.”

Sonny didn’t get it.

“I don’t get it.”

Another eyeroll.

“In case you wanted to break the only rule I gave you. I figured it would be better if it looked like I was on the phone,” he gestured to the microphone attached to the headphones, “as opposed to talking to thin air. I noticed earlier, people looking at me like I was crazy.”

_Damn, he’s smart._

“That’s… brilliant.”

“I certainly feel like I’m crazy,” he gritted out. Sonny didn’t miss the slightly accusing look he received.

“Counselor, I didn’t plan this.”

“I know that, Detective,” he snipped.

Sonny didn’t always pick up on cues, but he knew that this meant he should shut up. He also knew he was going to ignore this particular cue.

“Barba, I’m serious,” he grabbed Barba’s arm, stopping him in his tracks. Barba eyed where his hand still rested on his forearm, before following his arm up to his eyes. Sonny had at least enough sense to pull his hand back. “I don’t know how this happened. I don’t know why… why you’re the only one who can see me. I don’t know how long this will last, or what it means. All I do know is, it sucks. But it’s where we’re at.”

Sonny wasn’t meeting Barba’s eyes by the end. Just staring at his own, slightly scuffed shoes. He shrugged, and lifted his head.

Barba had never looked so soft. So _concerned._ There was no mistaking that look. Sonny’s heart raced. As soon as he convinced himself of the fondness in the ADA’s eyes, it was gone.

“An impressive monologue, Carisi.”

He continued walking, knowing Sonny would follow. He’d never been a guy to let someone down. His heart still held remnants of the rapid beating from before. He let out a surprised laugh, earning himself a confused glare.

It could just be friendship. It could just be pity. It could just be a begrudging respect. Sonny was happy to entertain his fantasies with the possibility that maybe… maybe there was something more here. He was nothing if not an emotional masochist.

 

 

The place Barba had chosen was a small sushi joint. Sonny was going to question the potential for food poisoning, but he knew Barba wouldn’t appreciate that. They were seated at a small corner table. Barba took off his jacket with ease, before slumping into the chair. He looked exhausted. Sonny knew it wasn’t just due to the events of that day.

Barba ordered his food, giving Sonny a look that said ‘Want anything?’. Sonny shook his head. He realised he hadn’t eaten a thing all day, yet wasn’t hungry. Another perk of this predicament.

They sat in a relatively comfortable silence, Barba taking an occasional sip of water. His phone buzzed with a text message.

“Liv wants to know if I’m okay,” he muttered.

Sonny had nothing to say to that.

“I truly don’t know what to tell her. I must have seemed _insane_ this morning.”

He let his phone drop to the table, and rubbed his eyes with his palms.

“I’m sorry,” Sonny whispered, pulling at the paper napkin resting on the table.

“You’ve got nothing to apologise for. Whatever is happening here… it’s not your fault.”

Sonny let his eyes find Barba’s. _Concern._ With a hint of affection, if Sonny really grasped at straws. It was overwhelming.

“How are you not afraid of food poisoning in this joint?” he joked, an incredibly unsubtle attempt to lighten the mood. Barba saw right through it, but took the bait.

“I’ve been here every week for the past couple of months. No problems yet.”

“Who knows? Maybe today’s the day.”

Barba’s eyes flashed with something. A shadow of a smile appeared as quickly as it went away.

“Maybe.”

Sonny felt electric. He refused to let his eyes move from Barba’s. That is, until Barba’s gaze travelled down Sonny’s body and back up again. It was then that Sonny saw an entirely new expression on Barba’s face. He almost didn’t believe it, but there was no mistaking the darkened eyes. The tongue dragging along his bottom lip. His heart was pounding so hard he could feel it in his ears.

A small bowl of edamame being placed on the table broke the eye contact, followed by a plate of sushi.

Barba let a small cough, before picking up his chopsticks and getting started.

Sonny had never felt angrier at rice and vegetables in his life.

He kept quiet as Barba ate, looking anywhere but at the lawyer.

“Are you sure you don’t want to eat?”

Sonny looked to the plate. Three pieces left. It didn’t look as bad as he thought it would.

“I uh… I don’t think I can. I mean, I’m sure I could try, but I don’t think it would work, you know?”

Barba’s hand reached into the bowl of edamame, pulling out one. Sonny couldn’t help himself. He watched Barba place the piece in his mouth and suck out the little beans inside. He then slowly pulled the empty skin out. Sonny’s mouth went completely dry. His eyes flicked up to Barba’s. Those green beauties were crinkled with amusement.

“Something wrong, Detective?”

“No, Counselor.” Barba was messing with him. He wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction.

He _would_ however, take an opportunity to mess with Barba.

He reached to the bowl, pulling out his own piece of edamame. Maintaining eye contact, he placed it in his mouth. It held no taste, even though Sonny had braced himself for the regular salty flavour. He sucked slowly, feeling each bean land on his tongue. He closed his eyes as he pulled the skin out of his mouth, licking the leftover salt off his lips. He opened his eyes, meeting Barba’s, and swallowed.

Barba’s mouth slightly agape. His eyes darkened. His tanned cheeks flushed. _Beautiful._

“Something wrong, Counselor?”

That seemed to bring Barba back to reality.

“Nothing at all.” He wouldn’t look at Sonny, opting to instead throw down a handful of cash, and pull on his jacket. Sonny took that as his cue to stand also. As they left, he couldn’t help but notice they were walking a lot closer, nearly touching. So close.

The entire walk back to the office was spent in silence. They both stared straight ahead, missing one man’s glances towards the other.

In between his hopefully subtle attempts to check Barba out, his mind was racing.

That was flirting. It had to be. Barba had practically fellated the soy bean, and Sonny had unashamedly done the same. He’d never be able to look at edamame without sporting a partial.

He thought back to their other interactions over the years. There’d been quips, there’d been jabs, and there had even been one or two comments that had stung a little too much. There had never been such blatant _flirting_ though.

Sonny had occasionally entertained the possibility of Rafael. Usually in the shower. Or in his bed, late at night. A few times on the couch. Maybe it had been more than just… occasionally. Even in his wildest fantasies however, he almost had to construct a new personality for Rafael. Specifically as someone who actually liked Sonny.

He peaked another glance as they stepped in the elevator to Barba’s office. The older man’s eyebrows were furrowed. That was a regular occurrence, but Sonny couldn’t help but wonder if he was having similar, confusing thoughts.

They approached the office, only to be met with Carmen giving Barba a look filled with warning. It was then Sonny spotted him.

“Barba. Good to see you,” Buchanan grunted, pulling himself out of one of the waiting chairs.

“I told Mr Buchanan that we weren’t expecting him for another half an hour,” Carmen’s tone was professional, but her eyes screamed apologies.

“That we weren’t. However, seeing as you’re here.”

Barba barely made eye contact as he opened the door to his office and stormed in. Buchanan followed, and Sonny almost had to run into the room to get in before Buchanan shut the door.

Sonny stood behind Barba’s chair, earning himself a pointed glance. He just shrugged. In all honesty, he was fairly keen to see the ADA in action, especially against Buchanan.

The other lawyer took the chair opposite Barba, and waited.

They stared for longer than any rational human being should.

_They’re playing lawyer chicken._

“Well? You’re here, you got me early… what’s your offer?” Barba may have spoken first, but the cool ease with which he spoke told Sonny he was still on top.

_Of course he’d be on top._

Sonny shook his head. Now was not the time for those thoughts.

“Man two.”

“Try again.”

“Not a chance, Barba.”

“He beat the witness to death, I have three solid witnesses to the murder-“

“Manslaughter. And two of your witnesses are drug dealers. Not the most reliable.”

“Former one-time drug dealers, who have since turned their lives around and have stable jobs. Families. Try again.”

Buchanan sighed.

“Man two is my one and only offer.”

“Then we’re done here. Sorry for you had to waste your time coming all the way down here,” Barba apologised, though his tone suggested he thoroughly enjoyed wasting Buchanan’s time.

Buchanan pulled himself from the chair.

“God he’s such a dick,” Sonny spat out.

Barba let out a surprised laugh. Buchanan locked eyes with him, and narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

“Something funny Barba?”

“Nothing from this conversation, I assure you,” Barba quickly recovered, though he threw a small accusatory glance Sonny’s way.

Unfortunately Buchanan noticed, following Barba’s eyeline to where Sonny stood. Even though he couldn’t, it certainly felt like the attorney could see him. Sonny faltered under the scrutinising squint. Confused, Buchanan left without another word.

As soon as the door closed, Sonny let out the laughter that had been brewing.

“Damn Barba. I thought his head was going to explode. In fact, if you said ‘try again’ one more time, I think it would have. Brilliant!” he praised, dropping onto the couch.

Barba flushed ever so slightly, though his face betrayed nothing.

“Keep your thoughts to yourself next time someone else is around. No matter how… amusing.”

“Sure thing, _Counselor._ ” Sonny emphasised the last word. He was definitely playing with Barba at this point. And sussing him out. He didn’t want to even consider any more flirting without getting some concrete proof of where Barba stood.

Barba bit his lower lip.

_Well, hello._

“Get back to work.”

Sonny couldn’t help feeling a little disappointed. That’s all he was going to get?

“ _Detective._ ” It came out as almost a growl, and Sonny felt it through his whole body. He obeyed the order wholeheartedly, if anything to stop his imagination from running wild.

 

 

Hours passed with not a single word spoken. Sonny was incredibly okay with that, throwing himself into the work at hand. Occasionally he snuck a glance to the lawyer, soaking in the image. The eyebrows furrowed with concentration. The hunched shoulders filled with tension. The way his lips curled over the edge of his coffee mug as he drew another sip from his thousandth drink.

Sonny could always tell when he should get back to work, usually being the second he focused on Barba’s lips. The last thing he needed was to go down that rabbit hole of indecent thoughts.

He was yanked out of his thoughts by a loud sigh filling the space.

“We should finish up for the day,” Barba muttered, looking to the window.

_When did it get dark?_

“Probably a good idea.” Sonny stretched his body out, resting against the back of the couch. Hours leaning over paperwork had ensured his shoulders were in pain. He let out a small groan as he reached his arms above his head in an attempt to straighten his spine.

He then stood up, half-expecting to see Barba waiting impatiently.

He was _not_ expecting to see him still in his chair. With his legs up on his desk. And a pen in his mouth.

Sonny felt his blood run south.

“Counselor?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Barba slowly removed the pen from his lips, and lowered his feet to the ground. His wide green eyes were locked to Sonny’s blue. Unwavering as he slipped his jacket on and collected his things. Darkening as he gradually made his way around the desk. Laser-focused to Sonny’s as he stopped in front of him.

They both drew in a breath.

_Another game of chicken._

Sonny couldn’t help but wonder if this is how Barba lived his life. Constantly testing the boundaries and patience of those around him.

He tilted his head ever so slightly to the side. Rafael mimicked the movement, tilting to the opposite side. He felt himself lean forward, his eyes flicking to Rafael’s lips. When he met Rafael’s eyes again, there was victory. He had won this round. Sonny was more than okay with that, if it meant he could succumb to the older man.

Rafael took a step closer. Their bodies almost touching.

A knock at the door, followed by the door opening, snapped them out of their electric trance.

“Mr Barba? I’m going home, is there anything else you need?” If she noticed anything off, she didn’t comment.

Barba turned away from Sonny to respond.

“Not at all, Carmen.” His voice was cool. Indifferent.

She gave a slight nod, before leaving the room.

Barba brought his gaze to the ground.

The silence was killing Sonny. It felt different from before. A different kind of tension.

With a swift movement, Barba pulled out his headphones once again. He placed the buds in his ears, and walked to the doorway. Sonny remained on the spot.

“I have to lock the door.” Sonny flinched at the tone. At the fact Barba still wouldn’t meet his questioning gaze.

Still, without a word, Sonny walked out of the room.

The trip to the elevator was silent.

Sonny wouldn’t even allow himself a cheeky glance at Barba, out of fear of what he might see. Regret.

By the time they reached the outside pavement, Sonny’s heart was _aching._ He’d finally been left alone with his thoughts, and they were painful. His sister’s would never see him again. His niece. Or any future nieces and nephews. His parents. The squad didn’t even know who he was. All the progress he’d made over the past few years at SVU… it had all been for nothing. He meant nothing.

The slight breeze should have been cold, but it was nothing compared to the look he received from Barba.

“I’m going home now, Detective.” His tone suggested this was their goodbye.

“Oh I- okay.” Sonny was at a loss for words. He was about to lose his only connection to life itself. He knew today had been a one-off event, but a naïve part of himself had clung to the possibility that it would never end.

Barba gave him one final look. The concern he’d been projecting all day was still there, but there was no softness anymore. None that Sonny could register.

Without a word, the lawyer turned around and walked away.

Sonny’s heart began to race. He felt his eyes prickle with unwanted tears. He was truly alone.

“Counselor, wait!”

Barba stopped in his tracks, slowly turning around. It was if he knew what Sonny was about to say.

“Carisi, look-“

“Please, just hear me out,” he pleaded, throwing away any pretense of not begging. “I have no one. No one knows who I am. No one can… No one can see me!” he could feel his voice raising, the tears he was fighting threatened to spill.

“I understand that Carisi, but-“

“But what, Counselor? I know I annoy you, that you can barely handle having a conversation with me without ripping into me, but you are all I have.” His voice cracked on the last word, his desperation obvious.

He refused to look away from Barba, forcing the man to witness his need to be seen. To be heard.

He could practically hear the wheels turning in Barba’s head, contemplating where to go next.

His eyebrows relaxed as he came to a decision.

“Let’s get a cab, Carisi.”

It took all of Sonny’s self-preservation and restraint not to hug Rafael.

 

 

The cab ride was fairly short. Sonny didn’t know where they were going, too wrapped up in his own conflicting emotions and thoughts to hear the address Barba gave. So when they arrived at beautifully maintained, pre-war apartment building, he was confused. His face must have shown as much as they left the cab.

“My apartment. I have a spare bedroom.”

Sonny’s thoughts were tumbling in his head.

What was going to happen tomorrow?

He was going to see Barba’s apartment.

His sister, Bella, never had a big brother to hold her after heartbreak.

Barba made it clear that nothing would be happening tonight.

Who was making sure Rollins wasn’t living off take out?

He was going to see _Rafael Barba’s_ apartment.

That was one thought that kept launching itself into the spotlight. He was going to be _inside_ his apartment.

As Barba pulled his keys out, Sonny’s imagination went into overdrive. Was it going to be modern? Minimalistic? Classic?

Barba pushed the door open and stepped through, letting Sonny in. He then closed the door, and made his way down the hallway, leaving Sonny to soak in the apartment.

_Wow._

The kitchen to the left almost looked like it was out of a catalogue. A combination of silver and black, sleek and co-ordinated down to the hand towels.

The living room though… it was clearly the main event. Sonny’s eyes locked onto the floor to wall chestnut bookcase. From his place near the door, he could already spot many classics. He also spied quite a few recent bestsellers, and why was that so attractive? That even with his busy schedule, he was still an avid reader?

“Just going to stand in the doorway, Carisi?”

In his daydreaming, he had missed Barba returning. He also must have missed the part where Barba changed out of his clothes and into something comfortable. Literally. A loose-fitting T-shirt, and grey sweatpants.

He collapsed on the couch, then looked to Sonny expectantly.

“Sorry, Counselor. Off with the fairies.” He removed his shoes and lowered himself onto the other end of the couch, keeping his distance.

“You’re in my apartment Carisi, don’t call me Counselor.”

They both stared at the blank screen of the television. Sonny wasn’t sure where to go next, what to say. He felt almost disassociated from his current situation. The fact that he was in Barba’s apartment, the lawyer was in his _pyjamas,_ and they were sitting on the couch like they were strangers at a bus stop.

“I’m going to order dinner. Pick a movie,” he instructed, handing Sonny the remote. He grabbed his phone and wandered back down the hallway. To his bedroom, Sonny assumed.

By the time Barba had returned, Sonny had an idea of the movie he wanted to choose, but was facing a problem. The older man sat back on the couch. Closer than before, Sonny noticed. Not by much, but enough.

“Can’t figure out a remote, Carisi?”

“The television won’t stay on.”

Guilt washed over Barba’s face. He silently took the remote as Sonny told him what movie he felt like. A foreign film he knew Barba would enjoy.

“I didn’t peg you as a French film fan.”

“I’m a man full of surprises.” He kept watching the film, but couldn’t miss the eyeroll he got in return.

They sat in silence after that. The longer they tried to watch the film, the stronger the tension built. This was no longer one-sided. Sonny was confident that the other man felt… _something_ towards him. What that was exactly, he didn’t know. At this point, he was willing to take anything and everything Rafael would offer. It wasn’t just that he was the only person that could see him. It was that he was the only person Sonny wanted.

Sonny slowly turned to glance at Rafael, to find himself being watched. They locked eyes, the tension from before becoming almost suffocating. Rafael’s eyes skimmed over Sonny’s face, pausing for a moment too long on his lips.

“Detective,” he smirked, meeting Sonny’s eyes again.

“I’m in your apartment Barba, please don’t call me Detective.”

There was still at least a foot and a half between them. Sonny simultaneously cursed the size of this couch for causing the distance, while contemplated whether they’d both fit lying down.

Their gaze was still connected, and he was just wondering who would make the first move when Rafael’s hand left his lap. He placed it on the couch, and inched it ever so slightly towards Sonny. They both followed the small movement, before locking eye contact again.

This was it. All Sonny had to do was grab his hand, pull Rafael into his lap and –

Someone knocked on the door. They both jumped and looked to the door.

“Food’s here,” Barba muttered, leaving the couch to pay.

Sonny wondered whether or not he could get a restraining order against anyone who dared to knock on a door to a room containing himself and Barba.

In his frustration, he pulled out his phone. He was fully ready to scroll through some form of social media, as a way to funnel some of his pent up energy into something, when he was pulled to a halt.

His background photo… a picture of Bella, Tommy and their daughter Sophia. His niece. His family. It all came crashing back to him. His chest tightened. His head felt light and heavy, all at once. He barely registered Barba sitting back on the couch, until the scent of curry wafted towards him. Still, he couldn’t turn away from the happy family smiling up at him.

“Are you okay?” a muffled voice asks. He couldn’t bring himself to respond. That is, until a hand rested on his shoulder.

“I’m fine,” he chokes out.

“Carisi, don’t be ridiculous. You’ve been glaring at your phone for twenty minutes.”

_Twenty minutes._

“It’s just… Sophia.”

The room went cold, and not because of the temperature. He watched as Barba’s back stiffened, and he almost physically recoiled from Sonny.

“Oh… girlfriend?” he gritted out.

“What? No, my niece. Bella and Tommy’s kid." He didn't miss the way Barba relaxed at this information. "I just… I think about her, and I think about everyone in my life and… I mean, I’m nothing now. Right? Everything I’ve done, everything I’ve achieved and worked towards… it’s all meant nothing. I mean nothing.” He didn’t realise he was crying until he felt a warm hand on his back. He covered his face with his hands, unable to hold it back now.

“You aren’t nothing,” Barba whispered.

“No one knows I even exist,” he muttered into his hands. Another wave of overwhelming emotions flooded through his body.

“I do.”

With that, Barba pulled his head into his chest, wrapping his strong arms around Sonny’s shoulders.

And Sonny wept.

Everything conflicting thought, every heartache of the day, crashed around him. He cried and cried, and Rafael held him.

As his eyes clenched shut, he whispered apologies.

“Don’t apologise. I see you,” Rafael whispered, the last thing Sonny heard before the weight of the day finally crushed him, and he drifted to an exhausted sleep.

 

 

The first thing he registered when he woke up, was the warm pillow beneath his head. Slowly rising up and down.

Not a pillow. A chest. Barba’s chest.

His eyes flickered open.

The lights in the apartment were all switched off, but the television was still on, casting a cool light over the two men.

Barba was lying down on his back, and somehow Sonny was curled up against the back of the couch, his head resting on Barba’s _chest._ His arm draped across the older man’s stomach. Pressed against the side of him. Barba’s arm rested on his back. His heart pumped furiously.

How did this happen? The last thing he remembered was having an embarrassing breakdown about his situation. So did he fall asleep on top of Barba? Or did Barba fall asleep, and somehow Sonny made his way to the warmth of his chest?

“Stop thinking so hard Detective, you’re going to pull a muscle,” the lawyer grumbled. His chest vibrated with the resonance of his voice.

Sonny let out a huff of laughter.

“Sorry, Counselor.”

He didn’t dare move. And Barba wasn’t asking him to. They laid there, holding each other.

“What’s the time?”

“Around three.”

Silence again.

“I had a dream.”

“Just now?”

They didn’t raise their voices higher than a whisper.

“This morning. Before all of this. It was dark, and I was running from something. Then these figures appeared, and it was- it was the squad. And I was so desperate for someone to help, but their faces… they had no faces. And I stood there screaming, shaking them, but no one heard me.” Sonny faltered. He needed to say this though. He needed Rafael to know. “Then I saw you.”

“Me?”

“You had your back turned, but I had a feeling. I reached out to you, and I touched your shoulder.” Sonny lifted his hand and gently placed it low on Rafael’s stomach. A test. “And when I touched you, you turned around. And your face… you saw me.”

The air was thick with tension. Neither men moved.

“And then?”

“I woke up.” Using his forefinger, he slowly drew circles on Rafael’s stomach. An inch further, and his hand would be under Rafael’s shirt. Skin to skin.

Neither men moved. Another test. Sonny lowered his hand just a little, until his pinky finger stroked the small patch of skin showing, just above Rafael’s sweatpants.

“Sonny,” he whispered.

Sonny froze. He had either gone too far, or not enough.

He lifted his head, and met Rafael’s eyes. And for the life of him, he couldn’t read any of the emotions on Rafael’s face.

“Rafael,” he whispered right back.

“We shouldn’t.” Sonny’s heart leapt to his throat, but he couldn’t back down now.

“Other than the obvious… why?”

Rafael tore his gaze away to stare at the ceiling.

“The obvious is the only reason. I can’t… where can this go? No one can see you. And I’ve waited for so long for this, but we can’t… we don’t know how long this will be. How can I be with someone who doesn’t exist? I see you, and I feel you, but I can’t even be sure you’re real.”

His voice never lifted, his tone wasn’t harsh, but Sonny felt shattered all the same. However he couldn’t let this be the end.

“Rafael. Look at me.”

His eyes found Sonny’s once again.

Sonny let his hand press fully onto the skin of Rafael’s lower stomach, fingertips teasing the edge of his sweatpants.

Rafael took in a sharp breath.

“I know that while this is happening, there’s no future. I can’t expect you to wait around for me. But I am real. I am here. And Rafael… I’m not asking for the future. I’m asking for tonight. If I can have you for tonight, I can live this life. I can.”

He knew deep down this could be perceived as emotional blackmail. He also knew it was the truth. He would never have lived with himself if he didn’t confess his desires. His needs. His dreams.

Rafael’s face was unreadable. Somehow contorted in pain, softened in affection, darkened with lust.

_Love._

Sonny could only wish it was that.

Neither had spoken in a couple of minutes. Neither had moved. They just laid there, looking into each other’s eyes.

Rafael’s face finally relaxed, having clearly made a decision. A decision Sonny knew he wouldn’t like. He broke his gaze away, and removed his hand, preparing for the letdown of the millennia.

“Don’t.” Rafael’s voice was sharp. As if he had just called ‘Objection’.

He placed his hand over Sonny’s, returning it to its original spot. He then used the same hand to slightly tilt Sonny’s chin upwards, so he had to face him.

“Tonight,” Rafael whispered.

Their lips pressed together. Soft. Chaste. A test.

They pulled away, close enough that their noses were still touching. Far enough that they could check the others reaction.

Desire. From both men.

They kissed again. A kiss filled with desperation. With longing.

Sonny felt Rafael’s tongue flick against his lower lip, and he let him in with a press of his own tongue.

His hand gripped Rafael’s hip, and he felt a moan escape the older man’s throat. His arms tightened around Sonny’s shoulders, before he pulled Sonny on top.

They were chest to chest, kissing furiously, as if the world was going to end tomorrow.

To Sonny, it felt like it was.

_Tonight._

Sonny was the first to pull away, ready to ask if they should stay on the couch or make their way to the bedroom.

“Bedroom,” Rafael whispered.

Sonny grinded his hips against Rafael’s, causing the older man to bite his lip and groan.

 

 

By the time they reached the bedroom, having stumbled down the hallway tearing clothes off each other, they were completely naked.

The moon cast deep shadows across the room, yet illuminated their bodies. Sonny thought Rafael had never looked more beautiful. Lying on his back, hard, staring at Sonny like he was the only person in the world.

_Love._

That word crept into his mind as Rafael prepped him, gently easing him into it. Planting soft, wet kisses on Sonny’s chest.

It would be ridiculous to assume that what they shared was love. Rafael had specifically said this was only for tonight. Sonny knew he would have to leave tomorrow morning and figure out his future by himself. But if Rafael was going to give him love for one night… one night was all Sonny needed.

When Rafael entered him, it was slow. Controlled. Sonny refused to take his eyes off Rafael. When he was completely inside, he leaned down and pressed his forehead to Sonny’s. They shared a deep breath, their gaze never wavering. Green on blue. Tan on fair. Chest to chest.

Rafael started moving, and it felt as if this is what Sonny’s whole life had been missing. Tender, powerful… loving.

There was that damn word again.

“Sonny,” Rafael whispered, his voice ragged with desire. His own name had never sounded so sweet.

 

 

The first thing Sonny noticed when he woke up, was sunlight. Peeking through curtains. Coaxing him awake.

The second thing he noticed was lips, pressed to his neck, peppering kisses up and down.

He let out a small, content moan.

“Morning,” a deep voice grumbled behind his ear.

_Rafael._

The ecstasy of the previous night flooded back to him, followed by crippling fear.

‘Tonight’.

That was what Barba had said.

That was what Sonny had agreed to.

The greatest night of his life had an expiration date, and it had arrived.

He had to leave. Now.

Sonny lifted himself to a seated position, ready to grab his things quickly and leave. To where, he wasn’t sure. Maybe to see his family, even though they wouldn’t see him. Still, maybe watching from afar would be enough?

It wouldn’t be enough with Barba though. If he allowed himself to stay, he would never want to leave. He couldn’t put Barba through that.

A hand placed over his forearm stopped him. He turned to follow the arm with his eyes.

_Glorious._

Rafael leaning on one elbow, the other arm still connected to Sonny’s own. His hair spiking in different directions. His skin glowing in the haze of an amazing orgasm.

Sonny had to leave. He had to protect himself and Barba. But _damn,_ he was making it difficult.

“Don’t leave.” Vulnerable. A word Sonny had never associated with Barba. But it was the only explanation for the open, honest picture painted on his face.

“I need to. One night, remember?” He hoped he sounded nonchalant, even as his heart was breaking.

“What if –“ Barba cut off, averting his eyes.

“What if.” Sonny’s tone was final. There was nothing after ‘what if’. He knew that. Barba’s hand clenched like a vice.

“What if I wanted more than one night?” If he hadn’t been watching Barba’s lips move, he would’ve thought his mind was playing tricks.

“Do you… do you want more than one night?”

His heart pounded. Was this happening? He didn’t want to get his hopes up. Although who was he kidding? His hopes were sky high at this point.

Barba’s hand left his arm. He finally looked up at Sonny and raised his hand to Sonny’s cheek. Brushing his cheekbone with his thumb. Sonny leaned into the touch.

“I don’t know how this will work but… If I let you walk out that door, I know I will regret it,” Rafael choked out, his eyes wet with the potential for tears.

Sonny couldn’t have that.

He leaned down and captured Rafael’s lips with his own. The world shut down. Nothing mattered except the perfect lips pushed against his own.

A buzz from the bedside table broke their spell.

“I am going to kill Liv,” he muttered, pressing a quick kiss on Sonny’s cheek, before reaching for his phone and answering.

Sonny laid back down, trying to process what this meant. Rafael wanted more than one night. A future. Could Sonny offer him a future? Would it be selfish to be in Rafael’s life when no one else could know about him?

All his worries drifted away when Rafael hung up. He leaned over Sonny, placed his hand on his jaw, and softly planted a kiss on his lips.

“The squad needs me to come in,” he whispered against his lips. “Come with me.”

Sonny shook his head.

“No point.”

And then the unimaginable happened. In between kisses, Barba begged.

“Please? I want you there. You can help. I want your help.”

Sonny knew he was being played. He also knew he was falling for it.

“Help? I distinctly remember not being allowed to interrupt, to distract, to offer opinions or insight –“ Sonny wasn’t able to get the rest of his taunting out, as he was being shoved out of bed by a laughing Rafael. “Alright! I’ll come!”

Sonny knew there would never be a sweeter sight than that of Rafael Barba, still laughing, looking up at him through his eyelashes.

_Love._

The future didn’t matter, so long as they had that.

 

 

The uber ride was long, though Sonny didn’t notice. He was too busy doing what he had wanted to for years – holding hands with Rafael, staring unabashedly at the older man. Soaking in the beauty of him.

As they rode the elevator to the squad room, Sonny planted a soft kiss Rafael’s cheek.

_Ding._

The doors opened and they reluctantly let their hands go. Sonny moved his arm around Rafael’s waist.

They stepped out of the elevator in sync, and while Rafael was making sure not to look Sonny’s way, his face still held some of the affection he felt for him.

As they reached the squad room, Sonny leaned in to Rafael’s ear.

“I’m right here,” he whispered, before placing a strong kiss to Rafael’s cheek.

“Finally guys, what took you so –“ Rollins froze, mid-sentence.

The whole room froze.

Sonny’s lips were still connected to Rafael’s cheek. He pulled away, looking around the room.

All eyes on him.

Not on Rafael. Not around him. _On_ him.

“Um,” was all he could muster.

His arm was still wrapped around Rafael’s waist. He went to pull away, but Rafael grabbed his hand with his own, linking their fingers together.

He glanced to Rafael, who was staring down Rollins, Fin and Liv.

_He’s playing goddamn chicken with the squad._

The three detectives wore their own personal brands of shock on their face.

Sonny held his breath, waiting for someone to say something. _Anything._

“So… the case.” Sonny could’ve kissed Liv, who was opting to spare them having to explain themselves now.

The squad turned their attention to Liv. Mostly. All of them were sneaking the occasional glance to Sonny and Rafael. Rafael, who was refusing to let go of Sonny’s hand as he listened intently.

Sonny tried to focus on Liv’s words, but his mind was running into overdrive. How were they going to explain this? They couldn’t very well say what really happened. That on Halloween, he had somehow ceased to exist to everyone except Rafael. That he had shadowed Rafael all day, convinced him to let Sonny into his life, then been convinced to stay. They couldn’t… could they?

Liv’s voice brought him back to the present.

“Alright, get to work everyone. Barba. A word?” She gave Rafael a look that screamed ‘you have a _world_ of explaining to do’, before heading into her office.

Rafael turned to Sonny and gave his hand one final squeeze.

“I’ll be fine Sonny,” he murmured, reassuring him. And probably reassuring himself.

Sonny squeezed his hand right back, before letting go. He watched until Rafael entered the office and shut the door, before making his way to his desk. His desk which was most certainly back to normal, right down to the family portrait of Bella, Tommy and Sophia.

He could feel the prickling on the back of his neck, the feeling of being watched.

“So, Barba huh?” Rollins asked, as she dropped into the seat next to his desk. Fin was hovering at his own desk, but clearly listening in.

“Yep. Barba.”

He waited for it. The onslaught of opinions.

“Does he make you happy?”

He definitely wasn’t expecting that. His focus shifted between Rollins and Fin, but they wore matching expressions of worry. He then turned to look into the office.

Rafael was seated across from Liv. Neither looked upset, or stressed.

He felt a grin tug on the corners of his lips.

“Yep. Incredibly happy.”

That seemed to be enough for the two detectives. Rollins returned to her desk, although he didn’t miss the shared look of relief between the partners.

He turned his computer on.

As he waited, he finally let out a sigh of relief. Whatever madness had occurred yesterday, it was over. He didn’t know how it had happened, or why, but it didn’t matter. He snuck another glance into the office, only to be met with Rafael’s eyes staring back.

They shared a loving smile, before Sonny turned back to his screen.

“Happy Halloween,” he whispered, unable to contain the full blown grin stretched across his face.


End file.
